I totally cried and yes, I do feel silly

Ok guys,

I am going to admit something embarassing to the empty internet space which this blog occupies.  On our last foray into my new obsession Mass Effect 2, I told you all that I was stuck in a purgatory-like situation.  I was on the verge of the last battle of the game and I figured out that my crew was most definitely going to die.  Anyway, I went ahead and went through the last battle and 4 out of 10 of my teammates died, including my love interest.  I have to admit I cried a little.  I was so sad but still laughing at myself because crying about pictures on a computer screen dying is absolutely stupid. I do not know what came over me.  I can only attribute my emotions to hormones.  I think the most disturbing picture was my love interest being eaten by insects and that's when the crying started.  I became very attached to him I guess. 

Anyway, I did restart the save game that is on LePutois' computer and all of my crew members survived.  Yay!  I was actually really happy and so I started doing laundry.  Anybody who knows me, knows that I hate laundry and that at any given moment I have laundry baskets filled with both clean and dirty clothes just sitting around my house.  Anyway, the game made me happy enough to do the laundry and I got most of it done, and it is folded too. 

So, to completely change the subject, I was watching the first episode of  Leverage last night, and I was looking at Nate Ford (Timothy Hutton).  I realized that he probably needs to gain weight to balance out his head.  His face and head are really big, but then you look at his body and he looks like a featherless chicken, so skinny and bony.  But, as Layla knows, I would still have his children, and I hate children.

You know what? That brings me to another subject and this should probably be the subject for another blog.  I also know that Layla did  a blog on this already.  But, I want to say this: Why does not wanting children make me a bad person?  I have told some people that I don't like children because you cannot reason with them, and they look at me as if I am an alien creature.  Every normal woman wants a baby right?  NOT true.  They are a parasite that lasts for 18 years and 9 months, sometimes longer.  First, they suck all of your nutrients as well as your energy, and any hope of having a normal body again,  unless you are a celebrity or resort to surgery of course.  And that's only for the first 9 months, then they ruin every part of your life including but not limited to taking all your money, still more of your energy, and most of your time. 

I do have to say that children are sure to get better as they get older, but when they are children you cannot reason with them to make them stop crying.  They get into everything and break everything and try to hurt or poisen themselves every day.  Most people who have children say that the love is worth it, but I would have to say that this is just Stockholm Syndrome because children take you hostage and the only way you can cope is to brainwash yourself into loving them. 

Do not get me wrong, I admire anybody who can have children and raise them successfully without going crazy.  I thank my mother for putting up with me because I know how much of a pain I am.  However, I do not think that I can have children and be happy. I don't even think I can be a successful parent, because I am too much of a child myself. I am very self-absorbed and dont' want to give up my life to raise a child.  I just want to make a life with my fiance and make myself happy.  If I am going to take care of something, it will be a dog or cat, which I can at least get rid of if I don't want them.  Dogs and cats also require very little maintainence and you can leave them in a kennel when you want to have you time.  You can't pay a random stranger to take your children for 2 weeks. 

What really gets me is what people say to me about children, especially my fiance's family.  First, when I say "I do not want children, ever' everybody seems to take that as "My biological clock hasn't gone off, yet." My fiance's family likes to say "you guys will have such beautiful babies" Then when I tell them I do not like children they say something like "it's different when they're your own."  This really annoys me because I don't like when people automatically assume that I am a baby factory waiting to happen.  Why is it my ultimate destiny to breed?  Does nothing else I do or am going to do matter? And is breeding the most important thing that I am capable of? They just don't think about the fact that I may not be a good mother, maybe I am not cut out for it.  Then there's the fact that they don't care that I keep saying "I will not be happy."  Why is my happiness overruled by your want to see me reproduce?

So, from now on, if you have known me for more than 1 year (and that is being generous because I let it be known that I don't like children within the first month) and you tell me I should have children.  I will automatically think that you do not want me to be happy and wish me to suffer, or that you want me to have children for your own selfish reasons.